Sunday, February 17, 2008

Brighter Horizons

Justin is feeling much better now. He's still not 100%, but he's holding Roxanne for the first time in a while, and I know that's nice. She just had a bath, so it's the perfect time to rock with Daddy in the glider for a while. She looks so huge now. Her little feet come down to his waist when she's on his shoulder. We go to the pediatrician on February 20th for her next check-up, and I'm really anxious to see how much she weighs.

We've really had a nice weekend, and I'm trying to focus more and more on staying positive and living in the moment. Since I know that I can't be with Roxanne all the time, I'm trying very hard to be happy and upbeat when we are together. It's working very well so far. I only cried a little bit on Friday when I dropped Roxanne off, and I didn't feel my usual overwhelming guilt all day at work. There's some weird part of my mommy-hormonal brain that thinks I should feel miserable and guilty every second that I'm not with Roxanne, and working has been helping me to ease that a little bit. I almost wonder if I would have felt that way until she went off to kindergarten if I was a full time mom. I'm also trying to keep in mind that I've been through some tough stuff, and so has Justin, and we've always come out for the better.

Roxanne is changing so much every day. She's really a very happy baby these days. She really hardly ever fusses, and she smiles a lot. We have been having dance parties this weekend to Disney songs on YouTube. I also play her "Baby Beluga" that someone posted on YouTube and we sing it together. She really likes that. She still hates tummy time, but she'll go for a little longer each time before screaming, so I think it's improving. She also has been spending a lot of time with her right hand in her mouth just the last two days. She has done that for a while, but it always seemed sort of accidental, whereas now it seems more deliberate. It makes me nervous, since strangers always touch her hands, but I've just got to remember to be more diligent about cleaning her hands.

Roxanne and I did some stuff together yesterday while Justin continued to spend quiet time getting better. We went to breakfast with some of my co-workers at Einstein Brothers Bagels at Ansley Mall, and Roxanne was pretty well-behaved. She really likes to look around. After that, we came home for a nap before going to a funeral in Brookhaven. The funeral was for a wonderful family friend named Knute, who was very close to my Dad. He was from Norway, and a very neat person. His wife Gerry is wonderful. The service was at Our Lady of the Assumption Catholic Church, which is really beautiful. Roxanne and I didn't go in to the service until the very end, after my dad gave a very nice and moving speech. She was being a little bit fussy, so I ended up nursing her in a prayer garden, which felt somehow wildly inappropriate and completely natural at the same time. There was a statue of a saint keeping an eye on us the whole time. After the service, we went to the reception at Gerry's home right across the street, and everyone came up to see Roxanne. She smiled at people, which she usually doesn't do, and was very charming for the most part. I wore her in the sling, and I positioned her so she could see out. She did get fussy at the end, mostly because she was hungry and mad that I was trying to give her a bottle. I'm glad we went, and I only wish Roxanne could have met Knute. He was always very sweet to me and Kendree when we were little.

I have work off tomorrow, so I'm really thrilled. Justin has to work though, so maybe we'll go have lunch with him. It's such a pain to park in downtown though. You have to pay at least $5, and the only lot near Justin's work is really cramped and awful. We'll see.

We hope you are all doing well and haven't been brought down by the flu season.

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