It's amazing how much babies take care of their mommies. Since the events on Friday, Justin and Roxanne have kept me grounded. I know to some people, it doesn't seem like what happened would be all that traumatic, but I promise, it's one of the most horrible things I've ever experienced on a million different levels. I think my co-workers are the only people who actually understand how impossible it is to stop thinking about it. They understand how you feel guilty if you go more than five minutes without mourning. But I am getting better. We had a memorial service at work today and there is one organized by Raven's family on Saturday in Roswell. I am going to try and go to that. I think they will be starting a collection at work to donate money to Raven's family, and I plan to donate to that. I keep thinking about how she was getting her master's degree online in journalism, because she had big plans, and I think about student loans both for that and her undergraduate degree. The firm is helping her family with funeral costs and I think that is very admirable.
Anyways, Roxanne has been a true blessing for me. She makes me smile, and I have to stay together to take care of her. She met Raven about a week ago in the parking lot at work, and Raven went on and on about how cute Roxanne was. Roxanne gave her lots of smiles. Unfortunately, I will never bring Roxanne to work again. I just don't feel safe.
On Saturday, we went to the Inman Park Festival, which was really perfect. We watched the parade, or part of it at least, and Roxanne really was watching everything. Earlier in the day, we took her to Petsmart and she really enjoyed looking at all of the little creatures. We watched the birds for a while, and then the rodents. Justin firmly stated that we are never allowed to get a hamster. I'm ok with that since they are so smelly, but I think I'd consider some of the other little guys. But Justin does have allergies... On that same topic, Roxanne is more and more fascinated by Katie. She sings to her and watches her very very closely. It's adorable. Katie is warming up to her, too. She now sniffs her when we come home and checks her feet thoroughly. Roxanne's hand eye coordination is advancing quickly, and she is really starting to be able to grab things. So far, it's mainly toys and Daddy's glasses, but she's started going for Katie's face. She also pulls my hair.
Well, I wanted to say thank you to those of you who reached out to me during this tough time, and I'm sorry I wasn't more responsive. It was very difficult to talk about. And if you are interested in the details of what happened, the most in-depth article I've found is this one.
I know it seems morbid, but all of my co-workers have been constantly looking online for more details. We want to know why this happened. And while we aren't getting a lot of answers, at least there are some. I will also say that some of the details in the articles are not correct, but I won't get into that.